I go to the well and drink
My soul quenched, my spirit at peace
As each note fills my senses,
I sit here absorbed in its beauty,
Oneness envelops me,
There is no negativity, I know only joy,
I wonder, why do I hesitate to enter this realm?
This garden, this forest, this world of light and serenity,
Silent I sit in wonderment as the music caresses me,
Relaxes the tension that once tighten me,
I am one, happy, as the melodious waves consume me
Filling my deepest inner recesses,
This world, this pleasure of music.
Category: Health
Outside the wind blows mercilessly through the trees
Already green with new spring growth,
Inside she is trapped as the airborne poison assaults her lungs,
In despair she cries out knowing she has no choice, she must wait,
Caged and alone she puffs again on her emergency inhaler
Desperately seeking relief,
“Please God,” she pleads, “Let this attack pass quickly.”
Minutes turn into hours, she prays her meager supplies
Will last until tonight, tomorrow, however long it takes
For her to recover, for her body rids itself
Of the pollen, the dust or virus
That has consumed her.
I woke this morning, my mind plagued with thoughts of the future and survival. All because of a dream, a nightmare really. I spent most of my adult life as an IT Professional. My last position as an IT Project Manager, a job I loved and if I ever went back into the workforce I wanted to pursue. But that was seven years ago.
I had left my career and the United States to work with my husband in his small business in Australia. We had a great time, traveling, exploring and I was able to renew my love of writing.
Business had gone so well we were able to sell at a nice profit and move back to the States.
Age, health and the economy have hit us hard like everyone else and now I wake up in the early morning hours worried about the future. In my dream I had rejoined the workforce as a project manager and that’s when reality hit. Seven years is a long time to be away from the IT field.
At forty-nine, I was a dinosaur. In my nightmare I was surrounded and in direct competition with younger, more ambitious colleagues who were in tune with the latest technology. The learning curve was tremendous. After minutes of sitting at my new cubicle in the bustling workplace, I decided who was I kidding?
As I sit here in my home office I know I face the same fears many other struggling authors do. The fear of failure, the fear of not being able to provide for their future and the what ifs.
I am luckier than most, I am a disabled veteran so I have my VA… but still, how do you plan for the unknowns? I am a planner, that’s why I was a good project management. I need a contingency plan.
Perhaps I am consumed by a pessimistic mindset this morning, the optimist on a temporary vacation or maybe reality has hit my subconscious. Sometimes, maybe, we have reached a threshold in our lives and there really is no turning back.
Me: Mother Wisdom, am I denying the real me, what I was meant to be?
Mother Wisdom: No, you are embracing it.
Me: But I seem to be hung up on writing poetry now. What about my stories?
Mother Wisdom: Child, you were a poet long before you were a novelist and your poems are stories. Stories of who you are, what you feel, your hopes, your dreams. There are no rules, you can be and do whatever and go wherever your creativity takes you. No conditions, no restrictions, no bars, no chains, only you.
Mother Wisdom: Your creativity is a large part of who you are. Be you.
Me: Be me?
Mother Wisdom: Yes, be you.
My world glows, I am complete,
The music plays within my head,
I cannot describe this evolution
Within my soul, my spirit,
A door has opened and I have entered
Another dimension,another aspiration,
The beauty fills me, lifts me upward
As I swirl within the melody,
She is there, my spirit guide,
Always watchful, always listening,
Peaceful, calm, she beckons me,
I feel her strength, her force, her nature,
We walk together, back to the tall wood,
And my story of yesterday.
Their story continues, Sannie and her new family. I know only partially what happens next, the rest is their adventure.
I woke this morning, desiring to meditate, to commune with my inner wisdom. Instead verse rose to the surface, a realization. For days I had a deep inner need to find something but I had no idea what I was searching for.
Having been born with a curious nature, ever wanting to know more about the world around me, I have an insatiable desire to learn. This new Mind/body adventure has awakened a yearning within my spirit.I’ve spent the last four days researching, attempting to learn all I can about this spiritual journey. This morning, I found the answer to what I’ve been seeking.
The Seeker
Why follow for the sake of following?
I must live my life honestly, my purpose
Not to please, but rather to be real,
Beneath the dead leaves of Winter,
Spring’s new growth emerges
Seeking the warm sun,
I feel my spirit do likewise,
For days now I have been seeking
Not knowing for what I yearn,
Realization has dawned this
Beautiful early Spring morning,
I am seeking me, not the one
Who lives to please, to gather
Like minded friends around her,
Hoping to avoid the desolation
Of someday existing alone,
But rather, the true me, the strong
Independent woman unafraid,
Resilient and honest,
Our lif’e's a journey from start to finish,
But first we must ask, Who am I?
What do I want?
Our goals, our life’s purpose,
Will we ever know? Do we truly want to know,
Wholly and honestly, facing our fears,
Our needs, our wants put aside?
I’ve sought to please, my creative
Ambitions laid out before me,
Not true to myself but rather
Seeking to please market standards,
Phooey! I say now, no more,
I am not in this world to please,
I am here to be who I truly am,
My purpose, my destiny,
My true self hidden below the debris
Of forty-nine years of life, emerges
Like that Spring Flower,
Yes I am seeking,
As the plant does the sun,
I am seeking, but I am
Seeking me.
I am rambling today, I don’t remember much of my visit with my wisdom guide from last night. I do remember our walking down a forest path, together, in silence. The warm glow of the sun breaking through the canopy of trees overhead. She was silent but I still heard her, “Today is a new day, a new dawn.”
My subconscious is blocked by an especially bad dream, a nightmare. I was too warm within my bed. Now in the light of day I can’t remember the dream, just the fear. I woke to a semi dark house and as I stared into the darkness somewhere a light switched off.
I glanced at my husband, yes, he was in bed beside me, asleep. My previous fear escalated as I debated whether to investigate or pretend it never happened. As I lay there, buried deeper under my covers, I waited, listened, hoped and finally, nothing. Silence.
Seconds passed, I rationalized it was a motion detector on our back deck but even that scared me. We live in southern Arizona, walking distance from the border. I waited, listened, finally hoping it was a stray cat, I drifted off to sleep.
So in truth, I really have nothing to say, today, no poems to share. I am reading a book that I may finish this morning before I continue editing my current novel, RETRIBUTION. The book I am reading is THE WOLF GIFT by Anne Rice.
It started out slow and I almost gave up on it. I’m very glad i didn’t. It’s an excellent book, one of Anne Rice’s best. Like vampires and so many of the other things she’s quite eloquent about, Ms. Rice adds her own compelling slant to a popular topic, the werewolf.
It’s really about a young man, rich, sheltered, naive who becomes infatuated with an older woman and a very old, very large house. It is upon meeting the two that the young man’s life changes forever, a tragic event, perhaps a blessed event (that is really for the reader to decide)… and then the real story begins. I won’t say more, it’s too great an adventure to spoil.
So that’s my thoughts for the day… It’s a “New day, a new dawn,” and I must move on. Thanks for reading!
I have been admonished by my inner wisdom guide. On the one hand, she says I have courage, I am brave, on the other I am told I am only limited by my fear. She’s right, I know this. In the course of my studying writing I’ve been told certain things that I have taken to heart. In the course of my life the same applies.I cannot be this way any longer, I am free.
In my mind I am before a wide open meadow as I often was as a girl but unlike girlhood there are no restrictions, only those I place upon myself. My heart soars, my mind open, my day begins but first do I share my visit with my wisdom guide?
Yes, perhaps there is something there for you for I am no more special than you, no more blessed or more creative. We are all unique.
No Boxes, No Boundaries, Just Open Space
I am in a wide space, place unknown
I am at peace
“Speak to me, oh ancient one,
Give me your wisdom”
In the silence I feel warmth, she enters,
I feel love as she draws near,
All is well and we are in her forest cottage.
Joy consumes me once more,
Elation as my spirit soars
My world wide open, my inner being lifts high
No roof, no flesh stops me,
I am free and I am flying,
Oh, my poetic soul, beauty surrounds me,
Greens and blues, pinks and purples,
Like clouds, a kaleidoscope of colors,
I lift above the trees, my journey continues,
Where am I going?I think to go back,
“There is no place I’d rather be,
Then in the cottage with thee.”
“No,” she said,”Go forth, be all you were destined. Do not be afraid,
“Fear has no place in the hearts of the brave.
Now go, live, be open, create. Return to me another day.”
“But I am not ready,” I said.
“But you are. Let go of your fears, your cautions. Your beauty
surrounds you, your warmth, your love. You have so much to tell
but this is not news. You’ve always known this. Your only limits
are what you set on yourself. Set none, have none.
“Follow your heart, you are wise beyond your years.
No boxes, no boundaries, just open space.”
I’m a disabled Veteran so the VA has been extremely helpful to me, especially as my health care provider.
Lately through the VA I’ve been learning about mind/body medicine and how meditation and breathing can help manage not only pain but your physical experience as a whole. But really as a writer what’s been great for me is how my creative interaction has evolved during the last few months.
The daily meditation has not only helped me to relax and deal with pain and blood flow but also encouraged the connection between my conscious and subconscious. With this, the flow of my creativity has not only increased but also become more reliable.
Yesterday, I met with Dr. P., the doctor in charge of Mind/Body Management at the local clinic. During an hour long meditation session, I was introduced to my wisdom guide. Think of it as meeting your wise inner self. It truly was mind blowing, I actually had tears running down my face. The beauty and intensity of the experience was so incredible, I left wanting more.
Fortunately Dr. P. instructed me on how I can repeat the experience at home. I did last night before bed and will again this morning. Amazing!
I was also told to keep a journal of my experience. No surprising, my first entry was a poem titled, Inspiration:
Inspiration
My world is so deep, so intense, mystifying,
There is so much there
Awaiting to be accessed, released, explored,
I reach inside, plunge my head into the depths, the deep waters,
My arms, my body follows,
Down, down, down I go into all that I am,
The water clear, it is a spring, its source wrapped in walls of soil, rock, vegetation,
Deeper I go, it is endless, as am I,
My spirit swims, soars to new heights
As I circle the pool, relishing its beauty, its purity,
Its openness,
She is there, my mystic, my wisdom guide,
She swims beside me, encouraging me with her smile,
We are one in mind, mentally she touches me,
Her beauty overwhelms me though I cannot see her face,
Together we rise to the surface and dive deep within the waters,
It is harmonious and peaceful, the water calm, soothing,
And as I rise slowly my last time I know my inspiration, my words, they follow me,
As for mother wisdom, my wisdom guide, she promises to wait, always there for me.
Being a bibliophile from an early age, I read incessantly! Well, I finished a book last night that I just have to share, Mad House by Clea Simon.
It’s Clea Simon’s personal account of living with two older mentally ill siblings suffering from schizophrenia.
Clea’s writing is insightful and intimately personal as she tells of her experiences and impressions as a child, a teenager and finally as an adult coming to terms with the impact on her life. Clea also shares the practical advice she has learned over the years, giving hope to others trying to make sense of their realities.
If you have mentally ill family members or just want to have a more personal account of living with the mentally ill, I recommend this book. On a personal note, Clea’s words helped me find the peace and understanding that I have been needing in my own life.
http://www.cleasimon.com/
Ingrid
